Really screwed up marriage. Need objective opinions. ?

I’d like the personal opinions of anybody with some experience. My husband and I have been married almost 5 years and oh boy, what a mess.
1) For religious reasons, I was bent on not marrying anyone who drinks at all. I made it very clear to him when he first started talking marriage and he swore he would stop from that day. He didn’t but I believed him. Yes, I was young, gullible and inexperienced. So he carried on drinking every few days, which I only realised after the wedding. We would get into fights when I smelt it on him, and he denied it. The fights would turn violent. Finally after about 2 years he saw that I really wasnt going to accept it, so he stopped, but he hates me for it. He thot I would ‘understand’. Now I dont trust him and believe that he drinks when either of us is out of town.
2) He had a dubious relationship with some female ‘business contact’ which involved him lying to me about his whereabouts, taking her out to meals and clubbing one-on-one, and bringing her to his social club after telling me that it’s just guys, so I couldnt go with him. Caught him redhanded via a PI, checking of msgs etc. The usual suspicious wife thing. His defence is that she;s just a friend, and he didnt sleep with her so whats my problem?
3) During the period he was with her, he became very worried about losing his wedding ring, so he stopped wearing it, and he also totally stopped having sex with me. And he never came home till 2 or 3 in the morning.
3) He’d rather wait for me to go to bed so he can watch porn then to come and have the real thing with me. In fact he’s so used to porn that he can;t even ejaculate inside me (sorry tmi), so he has to masturbate during sex. Unfortunately, I’ve been wanting a baby real bad the last couple of years. and his method of sex is not conducive for that. So we have to schedule sex, which turns out to be stressful and un-enjoyable for both of us. BTW I’ve put on abt 5 pounds since the wedding. I’m 5’1” and now weigh 119 lbs.
5) Since 3 months after our wedding till about 4 months ago, he used to beat me up if we had a bad fight. I tried to give as good as I got, but he usually managed to overpower me. Injuries include bruises all over my face and body, bleeding from lips, eye area, and a pretty bad nosebleed once, which he wouldnt allow me to see a doctor for. He’d also spit on me repeatedly, choke me, and grind his elbow against my throat. Never told anyone cos I didnt want my family to worry, and was too embarrassed to tell anyone else. Last year I told some friends and 4 months ago I told his and my parents, who warned him not to do it again. He did it once last month, and panicked and tried to convince me it wasnt his fault. Every beating was because I ‘pushed his buttons’. Every fight came with him threatening to divorce me.
6) He won;t see anyone for counselling because he ‘doesnt have a problem, only I do. I’ve been seeing a psychologist who said she can help me deal with my emotions, but can;t help the marriage since he’;s not there.
7) However, when we’re not fighting etc, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s generous. He agreed for me to quit my job so I could study full time and now he’s supporting me financially. Bascially I have full financial security and freedom to spend as I like, a beautiful home of my own, a car…everything anybody would want.
But now I just feel empty inside. He’s trying to improve after the parents got involved – he comes hom early, he claims not to be going near any woman any more, he doesnt drink (that I know of), and he has gone about 4 months with only one episode of violence. But I cant stand his attitude. Among other things, we’re so different, and I really wish I hadn’t married him so quickly, cos now I know we’re not compatible in out outlooks, values etc. Yet I’m afraid to divorce him in case I regret it later. Should I give him a chance to redeem himself or should I just leave?

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    8 Responses to “Really screwed up marriage. Need objective opinions. ?”

    1. Mohamed Byrd Says:

      read your entire account of things that have happened and you will see the answer as plain as day…………….

    2. princepessa commestibile appiccicosa dolce Says:

      get away before he kills you either quickly from violence or slowly from a sexually transmitted disease

    3. I.C.U. Says:

      The fact that your putting the question out to "us" shows you already know the answer…..
      DR PHIL…..DR PHIL….DR PHIL………

    4. Anna B Says:

      You should leave he has done a lot of things that are no no marriage is for better or worse but when will your better come?

    5. AJ Says:

      You need to file for a divorce. Chances are he will still have to support you (with a court order).
      And, if you have a baby with this jerk… if you are regretting marrying him now, you will have to fundamentally change your definition of the word "regret" onve the baby arrives.

    6. Marie Says:

      So it was not the alcohol making him weird, he is a jerk with some smart and funny ways. There is no redemption, he is what he is and that will not be changing no matter how long you stay or what you do. And by the way he agreed for you to quit your job to get better control since you will no longer have an income and less contact with the world.

    7. MamaLuna Says:

      If you are so against alcohol you shouldn’t have gotten together with someone who isn’t. Just because someone drinks doesn’t mean they have a problem. That being said the violence and cheating for me would be deal breakers in other words I would have been so outta there! This man choked you! Are you going to wait and see and let him kill you?

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